Let the Water Works Begin

Well, actually, the water works have been going since I found out I was pregnant. Crying at the image of a baby/puppy/grandma/animal, whatever. I am crying constantly. Last night I had a total breakdown.

I have been reading that sometimes morning sickness can be caused by internal stress that you create in your body via mixed emotions about being pregnant. I don't know if that is what is giving me nausea, but I can say that my psychological state is all over the place right now. While I feel so blessed to be having a baby and to be given this gift of life, I am flipping out at the overall big deal that it is. I am really scared.

Scared of:

Being nauseous and sick
Being tired
Not being my normal, energetic self
Not being able to be social and interact with people (because right now, all I want to do is stay in bed, bury myself under the covers and come out in 8 months)
Buying new clothes as my belly, boobs and other parts grow (especially since I lost 20 pounds over the past several years)
Being tired
Getting sick (wait, did I already mention this)
Getting bigger
Not being able to drink wine at parties, trips, events
Falling asleep at dinners
Wanting the baby out sooner than it is ready as 9 months seems like forever
Giving birth (an obvious one)
and oh yeah, being a parent! I don't even feel like I can take care of myself let alone a baby. My whole life is going to change and I am struggling to accept this. I had a great life going on, I worry that having a baby will take away all of the freedom I have.
I worry that I will be a horrible parent - will I wake up when the baby cries, will I remember to put them in a car seat, will I know what to feed them, how to dress them and when to change them.

Oh, it is overwhelming!

I don't want to be afraid, but it is a very real emotion rushing through my body right now. This is what caused my breakdown yesterday. My poor husband.

While I know this is normal, I still struggle with how to deal with them. I was just getting to a good place with myself and now I have a whole new journey that I was not prepared to take.

I need to find a new psychologist ASAP!